Gone, Baby, Gone
by LackOfImagination
Summary: Set after the newborns, Bella dumps Edward and the Cullens move away. She hides a life-changing secret from Jake when she moves to Florida and breaks up with him. When she moves back to Forks, will she be forgiven? JxB Rated M for language & future lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I were SM I wouldn't be here right now. Let's just consider this disclaimer as enough for the rest of the chapters, mmkay? Don't forget to review, loves!**

It had been years since she'd been back. It felt like longer, like a lifetime maybe. She smiled sardonically; it could be measured in someone's lifetime, just not her own. Wistful at the thought, she steeled herself against the threatening tears, and remembered that what she'd done was for the best. It was for Jake's own good.

He'd tried to convince her that it wouldn't be that way, that things were different. But she knew. It was his own friend that had told her the truth. Sam had confirmed for her and his words had given her the courage to leave the life she loved, the man she loved, and their future.

Jake had graduated high school and much to his own surprise prepared to leave with a tribal scholarship to a university in the midwest; he was scheduled to leave in a few weeks. She was the one who had talked him into applying, recognizing his potential when he couldn't. His belongings were organized and boxed in the garage, waiting; blessings granted by the pack for his four year hiatus. With the Cullens gone to Alaska after her and Edward's broken engagement it was the perfect timing. He wasn't alpha but knew that he would be upon return. It was Jake's birthright. It would also be her son's.

Jake hadn't known that she lied when she said she wouldn't keep the baby, that she needed to move to Jacksonville because Charlie couldn't help her figure out what she wanted from life. She hadn't been as insecure about their love as she'd let him believe. The tears she'd cried had been real, but the reasons she'd crushed him with were the worst kind of cowardly untruths she could muster.

_"You're… you're pregnant?" He had understandably been stunned into breathless silence. _

_The pause made the guilt rise in her throat and form the scripted words, "Yes, and I'm not keeping it. We can't do this, Jake. You're going off to school in a few weeks and I still have two years left, and we just don't have the money to pay for a baby. I'm not going to ruin your life. I don't even know if we should be together anymore."_

_"No, we don't need to do that, let's talk about it… we can keep it, we can do this, Bells. I'll work extra hours at the garage, we can both stay at my house and the baby's room can be the twins' old bedroom. Our dads won't be thrilled but it can work, _we_ can make it work. You can still go to school at UW until your degree is finished and I'll just postpone my acceptance to school until we have this figured out," he'd planned as the words effortlessly tumbled from his brain to his lips, the natural leader in his blood taking charge. It seemed almost reasonable but she could not allow herself to be persuaded in her hormonal vulnerability. She felt herself wanting to believe him, needing his strength to be her beacon in the darkness. She willed herself forward, continuing her carefully worded fabrication despite her insides clenching, throbbing, rebelling against her, indicating that everything about this, the very words she'd selected herself, was wrong._

_"You need to keep your scholarship. If you don't go now you'll never go and I'll never forgive myself for holding you back. You have a real chance to make a difference for the tribe if you go and I don't want you to look back ten years down the line and wish that I hadn't killed your dreams by getting knocked up. You'll resent me and I don't want that life for you, a mediocre miserable life full of regret," she'd been firm in her beliefs. She told herself the sacrifice was a means to an end, repeating it like a mantra: he is worth it, he is worth it. She was pushing him away when every heartbeat snapped at her to pull him closer. _

_"I love you Bells and I would never resent you. I won't resent our baby, I couldn't, it's a piece of us," his eyes had shone with honest devotion and she knew it was true. Maybe he wouldn't resent her but she'd resent herself and wasn't that the same thing? But then he said the words that had sealed his fate in Bella's eyes. "I won't go to school, I want to be there for you and the baby." That was impossible._

_"There isn't going to be a baby. I've already made… arrangements. I'm planning on going to live with my mom in Jacksonville after the whole situation is done with. I can't do this. I can't go back to being 'us' after this. You'll go to school and I'll go to Florida. I don't love you anymore. That's the end of it." The lies had slid off her tongue and scalded like acid, attacking her throat with hooks and nails in their attempt to remain unsaid. _

_They'd yelled and he'd tried to reason with her. Told her that if they could make it through vampires and the supernatural and all the other shit they'd been through, they could do this. They were supposed to spend their lives together, get married. He'd said that maybe the timing is wrong but they wanted kids together eventually didn't they? She'd said no. Over and over again. No. No. No._

She hadn't intended to keep his son from him for so long. Jake would have done anything, come hell or high water, moved mountains if he had to, to keep Bella and the baby comfortable. That was the crux of the whole reprehensible situation. She did not want mountains moved for her, she wanted him to be able to move them for himself. He had so much more to offer the world than she did. If she ended up ordinary then so be it. The whole thing had been a sort of a reverse macchiavellianism, a manipulation for his betterment rather than her own. Jake had the chance to change his world, beginning with the little reservation he lived on, by going out and doing things to better himself.

She'd been unprepared for the blinding hurt that would follow. How often Jake would call her, begging her to return to him, his life was empty without her, they were meant for each other. She repeated herself. No. No. No.

Eventually she'd changed her number and told Charlie not to pass it on. He was beginning to break down the emotional walls she'd carefully put in place after she left Forks and that wasn't a risk she was willing to take. Charlie was forbidden to mention Bella or the baby to Billy, and god knows Billy had asked. Jake had asked. Truth be told Jake still asked whenever Charlie was around. Charlie knew that what she was doing was wrong and had tried to argue with her. He knew how his heart had torn, how bereft he'd felt when his beautiful curls and peach-fuzz baby girl was taken from him all those years ago. But Charlie didn't broach the subject anymore after hearing the palpable regret and self-loathing in Bella's voice the last time he'd brought it up.

With Bella's upcoming move back to Forks Charlie decided that enough was enough and Bella was going to face her responsibilities, give Jake the answers he deserved. Jake had been like a son to him and he wanted no part in this charade anymore. As it is Charlie dreads spending time with one of his oldest friends because the guilt for his part in all this has eaten him alive from stem to stern and he can no longer look him in the eye. He is on a runaway train that would bring no good, and he wanted off, regardless if it was his daughter in the driver's seat or not. He is the chief of police for chrissakes, he has morals! This has gone on far too long. JJ would be turning four next spring already and Charlie had only seen the boy a handful of times. Jake's been deprived of too much and he wouldn't allow the kid well, man, to miss any more. He sadly thinks to himself that Bella is more like Renee than she realizes.

Bella steps off the plane cradling a sleeping JJ in her arms, head on her shoulder and limbs dangling down his sides, bobbing with every step she takes. The flight from Florida has wiped him out, which is just as well for everyone. He is energetic and bubbly and exactly like a miniature Jake, and the nap she'd been able to get on the plane has energized her if only slightly. He still has a grip on his blankie even in slumber, the fuzzy blue receiving blanket that he'd been brought home from the hospital in. It's fuzzier each time it goes through the wash and never fails to trail lint on everything it touches but he loves it and Bella loves him, so he happily totes it everywhere.

She grapples with their luggage and silently curses herself for opting not to check the stroller on the plane which would have made this whole process so much easier in hindsight. Instead she waddles through the airport, hoisting JJ's bag on her shoulder, a dreaming toddler in her arms and her rolling suitcase rumbling along behind her.

Charlie picks her up at the airport and Bella chuckles to see a car seat in the back of the cruiser which makes her think of baby sized criminals and she laughs for the first time in a long time. She lays down JJ gingerly, not waking him, as only a mother can. His fist is still balled up, a death grip on the blankie, and she tucks it into the sides of his seat, careful not to click it in with the seatbelt. She's not sure if it makes her sad or it could be guilt or maybe a mix a both, but Bella sees more of Jake in her son when he sleeps. The same peaceful calm overtakes them both in the same way, the way their full pink lips pout just a little, the way their long lashes flutter their cheeks, the same flush heating their russet skin, the way when their eyes open and find Bella pure happiness flows through their gazes. She never could have imagined it would be like this, so infinitely wonderful and soul-ripping all at once.

She subconsciously knew this day would come eventually, her return to Forks. She'd spent the last few years convincing herself that JJ would never ask about Jake, a faceless father, that she would be able to fulfill anything he needed, that loving him twice over for the both of them would be enough. When he was an unspeaking infant it was easy to be lulled into false security. She was wrong.

He'd turned to her over breakfast with his innocent obsidian eyes, "Dustin said his daddy took him fishin' mommy, why don't I have a daddy? Does my daddy not want me?" The longing in his voice had been so sad, so full of rejection and shame; she'd bitten back the tears just long enough to respond, and then hurried off to the bathroom to sob into a hand towel while he munched his Cheerios silently in the other room. She'd started planning her move back that night.

The ride back to Charlie's is wordless, whether it is from the uncomfortable awkwardness or their attempt at purposeful silence for JJ to remain asleep Bella isn't sure. She can tell The Talk from Charlie is coming and she knows she deserves it. She plans to listen and agree, but will actually mean it this time. She knows he is right.

She gets JJ settled in her old bed upstairs, brushes the wisps of chocolate hair from his forehead and kisses his chubby cheek. He stirs only slightly and furrows his brow, mirroring his father in small scale. She has seen that expression on many occasions, and absently moves to gently smooth the wrinkle with her thumb. She descends to the kitchen, prepared to face her father.

They make small talk and then Bella asks about Billy's car and the used black sedan pulling into the driveway, parking alongside her old truck.

"I didn't think carting JJ around in that rusty heap of a truck was a good idea, so I talked to Billy and had a car fixed up for you," he answers, his implications ringing clear in Bella's ears.

"Dad," she groans, suddenly gripped with fear. "You told them I'm back?" She leans against the back of a chair and watches Charlie amble around the kitchen. He does not enjoy having to ambush her but knows at least he'll finally have a clear conscience. He watches her reproachfully; she's changed so much since becoming a mother that it's amazing the way she glows, like she's blossomed into a grown woman overnight. But there are still things Charlie Swan wishes his daughter had learned.

She is unnerved and unprepared for this meeting so soon after returning to the town where she once had it all. She throws Charlie a glare, feeling blind-sighted. She'd wanted to do this in her own time. Charlie thinks she's had more than enough of that, four years in fact, and now it's time for a little less conversation, a little more action.

"Yes, I did. They deserve to know, Bella, and if I were you I'd take advantage of them being here and get it over with," and he gives her the disheartened stare that she hates. The one that says, I didn't teach you well enough, and this is partly my fault. Disappointment in you means disappointment in me, too.

A loud knock on the door signals that it's time to face the music for Bella and she shuffles over nervously to greet Charlie's guests (or are they hers?). The door swings wide as she pulls the knob and a jovial Billy is wheeled slowly in by a stoic Jake.

"Bella, it's so nice to see you again! I'm glad to hear you're back. Your old man sure is too," Billy exclaims, holding out his arms. Bella leans down for a hug and she feels at least partly welcomed, and allows herself a tenuous laugh. She has missed the familiarity of this place, of these people. She cringes at the volume of his voice, deep and booming, as she imagines her sleeping son upstairs. Their son, she mentally corrects herself as she glances up at Jake. It is something she will have to get used to.

"It's good to see you too, Billy," she smiles, because it's true. "You too, Jake." Their eyes connect and she can almost maybe possibly feel something there but it's gone before she's registered the emotion behind the fleeting flash. She doesn't know if it's hate or love or anything in between but something, anything, is a start. She knows how she's felt about him all this time: the longing, the consistent ache in her chest that she's learned to live with without him around, so much worse than when Edward left. But she knows it would be a long shot for him to feel the same, and even so, the news she's about to give him would surely squash any long-held love with his all but guaranteed impending anger and hate.

"Jake, we should talk, come outside with me?" She gestures with her head and takes tentative steps out the door he's just come through. He follows with a nod and a duplicate of the same furrowed brow she's smoothed out upstairs. She lifts her arm to smooth his out of habit but realizes what she's doing midway through and jerkily pulls her hand through her own hair instead. The shared eyebrow expression between the two of them unexpectedly weighs her down, guilt settling in the pit of her stomach like an immovable stone.

They sit on the steps, neither of them talking yet, she is thinking about how the time has flown by and now they are having a conversation that should have happened years ago. Sudden nausea swells up inside her, bile roiling around and she is trying to find the right words to fix what she knows she has broken. What she knows she is about to break even further.

"Jake, I'm sorry for how things ended with us and for shutting you out." She studies her feet, contrite.

"You did what you had to do. I'm over it," the words barely squeeze through gritted teeth and he sets his jaw. He is not over it, not even a little. Seeing her like this, the same doe eyes and soft wavy hair, but older and more filled out in alluring feminine curves, makes him remember all the little things he loved about her in the first place, and it burns in a strange way that makes him want to try again. She's back and she's here and she could be his. Before it can live the thought is murdered by the rational side of him, it gasps its last breaths and dies a quick death. He does not want to pine for her for the rest of his life and she's told him enough times to last from here to eternity that he is not what she wants. He lets the familiar bitterness ebb and flow in his mind as he contemplates saying every hurtful thing he's prepared to say since she left. He does not want to talk about this, he wants to phase and run and kill something. But he continues to listen because even after everything he cannot find it in himself to protest anything she wants.

"I thought I did, at the time, but I was wrong. I was immature and foolish and what I did to you, I mean… the way we handled that whole… _situation_… it was unforgivable. I know that. But I want you to know, I did what I thought was best for you. You wouldn't have gone to school or done any of the great things you've done. Your dad is unbelievably proud of you. A baby would have ruined your life," she tries to explain, can't she make him see? But the sudden glare he turns her way has threatened her confidence and makes her wince.

"How do you know? Did you even care what I wanted? You just acted like _him_, trying to tell me what I want, what's best for me. Did you ask me once what I wanted?" His eyes flash fury and compounded pain. "I loved you, and I thought we were a team. You didn't give me a chance at all to hear me out and it's not like it was a small decision like what color paint to put on the walls. It was a goddamn baby, and you didn't even give me a chance," his voice has risen a few octaves which causes her to nervously glance up at the still closed bedroom door. He doesn't notice this furtive look because he's turned his head away from her in disgust.

"You're right, I should have given you a chance. But I know you, you would have stayed and given up everything you worked hard for. You're going to be alpha and you're going to do amazing things for yourself. I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would, but I can't, Jake. But you have to know I thought I was in a very real way doing the right thing for all of us."

A tiny voice from upstairs carries down to her through the closed door and across the short distance. Jake has heard it too and is suddenly watching her face, his eyes narrowed into furious slits, listening for it to sound again.

"Is that a little kid?" he has calmed momentarily in his confusion.

"Yes, it's my son." She admits it plainly, blood rushing to her face, shame coloring her a deep crimson. Her eyes fall back to her feet. She waits for him to say something, to comprehend her hidden meaning. _Our son._

"Your…" he whispers, eyebrows raised. For a moment his anger builds and he's misunderstood her intent. "Nice, Bella. You move to Florida and have a kid with a practical stranger but me, who you were supposedly in love with, no, you don't want my kid." He is incredulous and livid, and she is flushing more, having to be so blunt about this. She had hoped she wouldn't have to say the damning words herself. He strains to leave and she realizes she's out of time.

"Jake," she croaks, "he _is_ yours."

He is frozen where he stands, _like marble, _she thinks ironically. This has naturally jolted his brain and his first reaction is disbelief. "But you said… you said a baby would ruin our lives, that you didn't want to keep it. You said…" He sits or rather falls back down with a heavy thud on the step. The sound mimics the identical pounding in his chest.

"I said a baby would ruin _your_ life, Jake. Not mine. You had all this potential and pressure for success, and I was just, well, me. I… I lied to you. I just wanted you to do something good with your life and – " She keeps trying but knows that he will never understand what she now sees as her flimsy, stupid logic.

"How could you? How could you lie to me all this time and keep my own _son_ from me? It's been four fucking years, Bella!" He demands to know the answers. He does not like surprises or betrayal and he charges this as both.

Before she can respond a smallish but still taller than average Quileute joins them on the porch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heel of one hand, still clutching his beloved blanket in the other. "Mommy," he calls shyly, looking warily at Jake, hidden behind the blue fleece. JJ is still in the _I can't see you, you can't see me_ stage and to him this physical barrier makes perfect sense and eases his concerns about the large stranger. Bella's face morphs from sorrow to serenity and she beckons him over, welcoming him into an embrace with a warm smile.

"Sweetheart, I want you to meet mommy's friend," she coos, glancing up at Jacob as if to get his permission. He nods slightly, but the haze he's been accustomed to living under for the past four years has just evaporated and this much vitality all at once is somewhat disorienting. His face is a portrait of amazement, and he stares transfixed at what could surely have been himself many years ago.

She holds JJ instinctively close to her, an arm wrapped lovingly around his middle as he leans his little body against her shoulder. Jake thinks it is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. His mouth still hangs open from his initial shock but after some time to process everything the tears are springing to his eyes. He blinks them back with some effort and thinks, _my son. Our son. _

Since Bella left he has been dreaming of this little boy. In his mind's eye he's taught him to walk and how to throw a ball, he's explained that he should always be nice to girls and shown him a few tricks that will come in handy when he's of dating age. He's dreamed of this little boy, and now here he is. He thought he would never love anyone after he loved Bella yet he's finding that despite his strong stubborn nature he loves this walking, talking combination of him and Bella more than life itself.

"JJ, this is Jacob Black," she starts, knowing exactly what JJ will say next.

"That's my name!" he exclaims with wonder and laughs a barking boisterous Jacob laugh. He is immediately friends with the hulking werewolf, trust earned completely by that solitary piece of information and JJ rushes to give him a greeting hug. With the chubby limbs thrown with abandon around his neck Jacob is finding it considerably more difficult to hold back the tears; a few escape their way down his face but he refuses to loosen his arms and end this moment until his son is ready. He closes his eyes and feels relief.

Bella watches with tearful streaks dotting her cheeks, hoping she has finally amended her biggest mistake. She still has important matters to discuss with Jake, and even though she knows she is prematurely ending a bonding moment, she understands there will be more to come. JJ is a fierce hugger who loves affection in any form, and sharing the same name is obviously high on his list of qualifications.

"Honey why don't you go inside and see what Grandpa Charlie is up to? Tell him I said to give you some water in your sippy cup and the apple from your snack bag on the counter, okay?" JJ does as he is told because he is a wonderfully easygoing child, which makes Bella proud. They both watch as he skips his way into the kitchen, humming a tuneless song, the blanket trailing behind like Linus from Charlie Brown.

Jake is still awestruck when he speaks, "We have a son."

Bella laughs, because now she has seen the elation in Jake's eyes and that had been her biggest concern, that his anger at her would preclude him wanting a relationship with JJ, and while she is not completely forgiven the shared familial tie will hopefully help soothe old wounds in time.

"Yes, we have a son, Jake," she grins and wipes her damp cheeks. "What do you think about all this? I don't expect you to be 'the Dad' right away, I know I screwed things up and this is a lot to take in. If you need time to think about everything and decide what you want, I'm okay with that. I haven't told him anything about you yet."

They sit in pensive silence, JJ's chirping voice traveling on air out to them.

"What if I want to step up right away?"

"Do you… want that?" Bella has hoped for this but tries to control how ecstatic this makes her.

"Of course I do. Do you think I want to waste any more time being out of his life? Bells, I've dreamed of him." Her heart involuntarily flutters at his use of his name for her. "Not figuratively; literally, _him._ It's like I knew he was out there. I can't think of anything that would make me happier." Except he could, in fact, think of one thing that would make him happier: having his son and his love back in his life. Moving them both out to live with him in the little house he's bought for himself down by the beach. Thanks to the scholarship he's been able to work these four years and has saved every penny he's earned rather than putting it toward tuition, and after graduation felt it was time to get a place of his own. It's not much but he's got plans to fix it up, expand maybe.

"You've dreamed of him?" She looks skeptical but she has seen weirder things.

"Yeah, since you left actually. In the beginning it was always you holding a baby, talking softly to him, rocking him to sleep. But as time went on he got older in my dreams too, and then it was you taking him to the park, us watching him open his gifts on Christmas, things like that," he looks away, embarrassed and sad. He has missed so much, all those things he's dreamed about, they're of real times gone by, and this rouses his anger. "I still can't believe you didn't tell me about him. After all those conversations with Embry about how he missed not having a father. Of all people I never would have thought you'd do that to me, Bella." He shakes his head, his eyes so full of hurt that it makes Bella grimace and look away.

"I'm so, so sorry. No amount of apologizing will ever make it right, I know that. I really thought I was doing you a favor, in a way," and she regrets saying it immediately the way his face contorts in response.

"A favor? A favor, seriously? You're unbelievable," he scoffs. His brain is on overload and he can't sort out his anger for Bella from anything else. His form is vaguely blurred around the edges. "I need to go for a run and think about this. I want to be in his life but right now I'm so incredibly pissed at you I can't see straight. I'll be back; don't go anywhere, we're not done talking." He takes off for the woods and disappears behind the trees. She hears some rustling and then silence and knows that he's gone.

With Jake's absence she remembers Billy inside and knows that she has to have the same conversation again with him. She takes a deep breath and rises from the porch, brushes the dirt off the back of her jeans and heads inside.

A/N: Review, review, review! And if you want to see anything happen, let me know. I only have a vague idea where this is going and I'm writing as I post.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the love everyone! Here's Chapter 2. I'm trying to get ahead of myself with chapters and this was written when I did Chapter 1. I'll hopefully be working on the rest of the story this week when I have time and will have Chapter 3 up, uh, soon. **

Jake's mind is reeling, trying to sort out everything that's just happened. He thought he'd be alone this time of day given the minimal patrol schedule lately so he didn't make the effort to protect his thoughts. Images of JJ and Bella flash through in quick succession as his paws make contact with soggy grass. He howls in anger and knows immediately that he wasn't alone.

_Jake, you have a kid?_ It's Embry that breaks through the loop of images in Jake's mind. Jake is thankful at least that it wasn't Leah; he doesn't need to hear her verbal assault on Bella or on anything for that matter. Not right now.

_Apparently so, yeah. Listen, don't say anything to anyone alright? Is it just you out right now?_

_ Yeah, just me. What the hell, man? She never told you?_ Embry is as angry as Jake would have imagined considering his history and upbringing.

_Pretty much. She said it was for my own good or some bullshit. After everything, she kept our kid a secret, kept him from me. I don't know what to do, I'm so pissed at her but the kid… I love him so much already… and if she takes him away again after I know for sure he's out there…_ Jake trails off, thinking of his dreams and how he'd wake up every time after having one and just feel so incomplete.

_You gotta be his dad, Jake, you know how hard it was for me growing up. You have to put aside what you feel for Bella right now and just man up for the sake of your kid._ Jake feels Embry's sadness, remembers him crying about not having anyone before Billy stepped in and began including him in father-son activities.

_I hate her right now but... I think I still love her, Em. When she left, you know what it was like for me. You know what Sam and my dad said about the imp… about everything. I can't help feeling like I'm whole again as much as I'm trying not to. _Jake is struggling with an internal tug-of-war between the bitter man he's become and the hopeful love-struck teenager he used to be. He doesn't want to be hurt again and he doesn't trust Bella not to do it. He's had enough nights with an excruciating pain pulsing in his chest strong enough to make him feel like he's ripping apart from the inside out. Too many.

While Embry doesn't understand from personal experience he's seen enough through his brothers' eyes to be able to provide some well-founded advice. _You guys have a kid together now so you have to work something out at least. Don't go rushing into anything with her. She messed up big on this, Jake. If she leaves again it's just going to make it worse._

Jake growls and swats a tree with his paws, causing it to splinter loudly. _She's not leaving again, she has my kid! Over my dead body will she walk away twice! She's my mate, damn it! _As soon as the thought pops in his head he's cursing his wolf, cursing the weakness in himself. He knocks several trees down alleviating some of the aggression as he tries to control his emotions. _Fuck! I hate this!_

_ Shit. You're not going to take it slow are you? _Embry knows all too well how the imprint pulls at a person thanks to a front row seat to Quil, Paul, and Sam's minds. To be honest Embry is impressed that Jake was able to survive at all once Bella left. Nobody knew that they were imprinted in the first place until after she was gone and then Jake began to experience phantom pain, debilitating shocks that at first would bring him to his knees. Only then did Sam suspect anything and so he consulted Billy about it. _Are you going to tell her about the… the imprint?_

_ I don't know yet. Right now I want to focus on my son._ Just the words themselves, _my son_, cause a contented warmth to wash over Jake and he turns to make his way back to Charlie's.

_I'm always here if you need me, Jake. I'll keep this from the rest of the guys until you're ready._

_ I appreciate it, Em. Thanks. _In a swirl of motion Jake is phased back and pulling his clothes on from where he left them in a pile on the ground. He runs his hands roughly over his face and readies himself, setting some imaginary guidelines for his interactions with Bella. No touching, his one and only rule, basically encompasses everything that might cause him to fall back into his old ways. It quickly and sufficiently eliminates the bear hug he wants to give her, the kiss her lips are begging him for, and the caressing of a tiny hand he wants to warm with his own. At the last minute he adds, _don't be stupid_, and considers himself covered.

The shouting between Billy and Charlie has mostly died down by the time Jake returns, though the two men are now glaring at each other, fuming from opposite corners of the kitchen. JJ is cowered in Charlie's chair with his blankie draped over his head, barely peeping out from beneath his hiding spot. The yelling scared him into escaping from the kitchen. He's not used to so much noise from people so much bigger than him. Bella's managed to run interference between Billy and Charlie so everyone is quieting down for now, at least.

"Billy, I'm back. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to worry about that." This is the first thing Jake hears upon re-entering the house and he's glad he isn't the one who was forced into asking Bella that question. He doesn't think he could handle her saying anything other than what she just has, and even with the tumult overruling the house he can feel his wolf relax just a bit.

Rather than jumping back into the fray he pauses to crouch down to JJ's level. He rests his oversized hand on JJ's head, tousling his hair and giving a reassuring smile. "You alright, buddy?"

JJ nods but keeps mostly hidden under the blanket, eyes wide, observing everything like a fly on a wall. Finally he decides he'll give a little more trust to the man with his name and whispers confidentially, "I don't like yelling and… e'rybody's yelling at mommy. She only yells at me when I've been real bad so she musta done somethin' really _really_ bad for e'ryone to yell like that."

Jacob is shocked into speechlessness because mostly he wasn't expecting JJ to respond beyond the nod he gave, and for him to understand that Bella's in trouble, more or less, is jarring. He tries to think of the best way to set JJ at ease without saying too much.

He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding before answering, "Well, sometimes when people are very upset they yell without meaning to. Even though they love each other very much they get mad at each other, and sometimes they get so mad that they yell. Like when mommy yells at you, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore, it just means she lost her temper a little, right?"

JJ lets that sink in for a minute and then gives a quizzical look to Jake. "The man in the chair loves my mommy?" Jake nods in the affirmative. "But how do you know?"

Jake stifles a laugh at JJ's curious nature. "The man in the chair is named Billy, and he's my dad, and he told me himself how much he loves your mommy."

JJ stares at his lap and barely speaks, "Oh." His eyes drift back up to look Jake in the face and he softly admits, "I don't have a daddy."

Jake can feel his heart breaking and all he wants to do is sweep JJ up in his arms and be the father he deserves. His anger for Bella doesn't even register as it's eclipsed by the need to make his son smile. He hesitates to answer or move at all, knowing it's too soon to do what he wants to do and he hasn't yet discussed with Bella how this introduction is going to go.

Jake says the only thing he can think of, "I'm sorry about that, buddy." He means it; with all his heart he means it, and he's sorry they've both missed out on so much. "Why don't you sit right here and I'll get everyone to quiet down for you, and then maybe we'll go outside and play some catch, ok?"

JJ's eyes light up because he loves to play catch but Bella isn't so great a partner, always throwing the ball a little too far to the left or right for him to even have a chance. He's given up on playing catch with her and sticks most of the time to blocks or toy cars or coloring. JJ smiles a wide, excited smile and nods vigorously, watching Jake as he stands to leave. Jake's just happy to see JJ happy, so he gives him a parting pat on the head and heads in to calm everyone down.

He figures it's a good idea to address Billy first, because he knows that Charlie will relax once Bella does but she's feeling attacked right now, which keys her up. "Dad, why don't we take a breather and just let everything settle for a bit and then when everyone's calmed down we can talk later?"

Billy feels indignant that Jake isn't more angry about this whole thing himself, so his head whips around, mouth gaping like a fish. He starts to argue but Jake cuts him off more forcefully.

"Dad, stop. We'll do this later when we don't have an audience," his head gestures to JJ who's leaned around the chair to watch Jake.

"Hmph," is all Billy says, his arms folded in front of his chest, and he turns to look out the window crossly.

"Thank you," he concedes, and turns to face Bella. She is leaning against the counter with her eyes squeezed shut, arms wrapped around her middle, wet tear tracks drying across her cheeks. It's so reminiscent of the months after _he_ left that Jake momentarily forgets his rules and gathers her into his arms before he can stop himself.

"Bells, we'll figure this out. You had to know it would be like this at first but the worst is over so go relax, take a nap for a little while or something, and I'll take JJ outside for a bit," he murmurs into her hair. She doesn't respond so he hastily adds, "If that's alright with you, I mean."

She didn't mean to ignore his question but suddenly feeling Jake's warmth against her own chilly skin has relaxed her to the point that she can barely register what's going on. She heard his deep voice rumble in his chest, felt his hands caressing her back gently, smelled his musky masculine scent and became entranced. Just being here in his arms has transported her to a calmer time and place, before her mistakes ever happened, before she ruined everything. She feels loved in this moment but knows it's only fleeting.

"Of course, Jake, you can take him. He's got a ball somewhere in his bag, it's on the floor by the chair. He knows where it is," she responds quietly, as he begins stepping away from her embrace. Her palm lingers against the muscle of his chest and she watches it for a moment rise and fall with each breath he takes. Her eyes meet his and she wants to say something to fix this, to make all the hurt behind his gaze disappear. She doesn't know where to begin so she just stays silent, watching the pain and betrayal flicker behind his dark eyes.

Every ounce of emotion he feels, she can feel, but the burning ache she's gotten used to being present where her heart used to be has been gone since he walked through the door. She thinks she's finally paid her penance for the lies she's told and is grateful for it to literally be off her chest; Jake knows otherwise and is simultaneously cursing and thanking the spirits for it. He's appreciating the momentary reprieve from the pain that's been plaguing him for four years but knows as soon as he leaves to head back to La Push it will be back. He has no idea that Bella feels it too.

He forces himself to turn away before he breaks the other of his two rules by doing something stupid like admitting he still loves her. She watches with a tiny contented smile as he rifles through the kid-sized backpack, takes JJ's hand and leads him into the backyard, JJ's little voice chattering away a mile a minute. It's all so effortless and natural, her heart swells at the thought that this might actually end up alright. They can make this work. With a pang she thinks, _just like Jake said they would._

Now that JJ's outside she doesn't have to worry about what's being said so she decides to forego the nap and just get it all over with, and pulls up a chair next to Billy. He doesn't acknowledge that she's there, just keeps staring out the back door at nothing. She can't see his face but she knows it's pulled tight into a scowl.

"Billy, I want you to say whatever it is you want to say, no interruptions," she starts, glaring at Charlie before continuing. "Believe me I know I messed up but I also know that I deserve to get what's coming to me. I owe you that much."

Charlie grunts (his objection or his approval?) as he leaves the room with two beers in his hand. Billy slowly turns to face her, and what she sees there isn't the anger she expected but tremendous hurt and disappointment. Her vision turns blurry and she feels more ashamed now than when she had to face Jake.

"Just explain it to me. How in the world did it make sense for you to walk away and keep Jake's son from him? Keep my first and _only_ grandchild from me? From Charlie? I can't think of anything that will ever be a good enough reason." His voice is calm but his face is just moments away from losing control.

"At the time, I really thought it was best for everyone that Jake take advantage of the opportunities afforded to him. He would have given it all up if he'd known, you know him just as well as I do, and he would have thrown it all away. And besides, what would the tribe have thought? I doubt they would have just accepted the chief's son giving up everything he worked for, for some pale face nobody."

"Don't you think that should have been up to him? And what's all this business about the tribe? I don't understand what the tribe has to do with anything." He's shaking his head in genuine confusion.

"I just… before I left I talked to a couple of people and they agreed that it was for the best if I left… for Jake. The tribe wouldn't accept us and they wouldn't have any respect for him if he dropped out of college for me because of the baby. He's got to be chief someday, and he still had his imprint out there, and if that were ruined because of me I'd never forgive myself. Regardless of what Jakes says, I don't think he would either," she manages to explain through her tears. The thought of Jake with a beautiful, statuesque Quileute woman sends painful shockwaves through her gut and she realizes he may have already met her but she's terrified to ask for fear of what Billy will say. She revives her old mantra, _he is worth it,_ and repeats it while she waits for Billy to respond.

Sam had been the one to agree with her, told her that she was right. She remembers the conversation with him and Emily like it was yesterday. She'd been talking to Emily about everything, sitting at her dining room table over a steaming cup of tea, the cup so hot it was nearly burning her fingers but her stress-locked muscles could not let it go. A baby would hold Jake back. His tribe would disregard him as a chief, disgracing them in their eyes by getting a pale face pregnant out of wedlock. What about when he met his imprint, the rightful alpha's mate? It would just make everything harder on him than it needed to be. She and Jake weren't meant to be together, period, otherwise he'd have imprinted on her by now, he'd insisted.

"Oh, Bella," Billy's voice dropped, sounding miserable, "you left because you thought he'd imprint?"

She figured she might as well get it all out in the open now, no use in trying to hide the truth. It was strangely cathartic, finally being able to explain all her reasons to someone who would fully understand. She couldn't exactly tell Renee all these details without her locking Bella up in a nuthouse somewhere. "It wasn't the main reason but it was part of it. It would have happened eventually and I didn't want to make things harder on him than they had to be. He already hated the idea of imprinting in the first place and then if he had me and a baby on top of it… I just… I just wanted to help him after all he's done for me, I wanted to make his life easier." She took a deep breath and steeled herself against the answer to her next question, "So has he… imprinted?"

Billy took a moment to contemplate the right way to craft his answer without giving Bella too many implications or getting her ahead of herself. He really feels for her, the way she's expecting his words to crush her heart. He was in love once too, and remembers all too well how it feels to have that love pulled from you involuntarily. But his loyalty is to his son first and knows it's not his secret to tell.

"Bella, I think you already know the answer to that. You should hear it from Jake, though. You two already have a lot to talk about, just add this one other thing to the list." He manages to give her as soft a smile as he can without feeling fraudulent; his anger still presently flowing beneath the surface of his calm exterior.

Bella wills her face not to crumple into the tears she feels building. She simply nods and looks away, telling herself that this was the reason she left and she should be happy for Jake. He found what she knew he would, what she set him free to find without the memory of her hanging over his head like a curse.

"I really am sorry, Billy. I want you to know that. I truly thought I was doing what was best for Jake." Bella takes his calloused hand in hers and squeezes. It's suddenly of vital importance that Billy understand her reasoning.

"You said you talked to some people before you left?" Billy questions, "Who did you speak to? Who said you should leave?"

Outside Jake's ears have perked up and his heart has picked up pace. He's suspended all motion, breathing included, his arm poised to throw the ball back to JJ but unmoving, frozen in space. The thought of one of his friends, his brothers, telling Bella to leave is incomprehensible. They all saw how much he loved her even when she was still with that leech. Then when they finally have a chance at happiness someone tells her that he's better off without her? He could easily guess who it might have been but he needs confirmation from Bella herself. A twinge of guilt pulses through him for eavesdropping on something she would never tell him to his face but he ignores it. He needs to know.

Bella hesitates; she doesn't want to seem like she's passing the blame to someone else for what she knows was ultimately her decision. "It doesn't matter anymore really. When I first found out I was pregnant I was talking with Emily about it and Sam said some things... He helped me realize how important it was for Jake to be… I don't know, better. And that meant without me or a baby to hold him back." She sighs, and lets free the words that have been swirling in her heart all these years, "Any sacrifice in this world that I have to make for him, he's worth it. I'd do anything for him." She stands abruptly and faces away from Billy, barely whispering her last admission, "I love him."

Jacob was only straining to hear which one of his brothers betrayed his trust by telling the love of his life to leave him, but he wasn't expecting Bella's emotional confession. Those three little words, they've hit him like a ton of bricks. He sucks in a deep breath, drops the ball and stands there in the yard, dumbstruck and unblinking. Bella mindlessly stares out the window and catches his eye and she knows. He's heard everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all the love, everyone! I'm surprised so many people are enjoying this. I thought I'd get a lot of hate for Bella but I'm finding it's the opposite. Also, I'm trying to make JJ as believable as I can but I don't have a ton of experience around kids. Anything he does, I've seen my nephew (who's 4) do, so that's all I'm really going on. I hope he's not completely advanced for a kid who's supposedly his age. He's incredibly difficult for me to write, I'll tell you that much!**

Bella has been avoiding looking out into the backyard for the entire time she has been in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone. She simply forgot about Jake's exceptional hearing until the moment she caught his eye and now she feels awkward and pathetic for admitting what she did out loud. He's got his imprint at home for god's sake and here she is as stupid as ever, holding a torch for him. She sautés the meat and boils the noodles for her famous lasagna, maintaining perfect mortified silence.

Billy and Charlie have mended their friendship, which Bella helped along by reminding Billy how many of his own secrets he's kept over the years. The pair of them are in the living room bonding in typical manly fashion by watching some sports event, cursing at the players and the refs, loudly damning them all to hell and threatening to change the channel every few minutes.

Just as the lasagna has been moved to the oven, JJ comes bounding into the kitchen, the back door swinging closed noisily behind him making the windows rattle in their frames.

"Mommy! I want my friend to sleep over here, okay mom? Okay?" His little eyes glimmer with excitement and he's bouncing on the balls of his feet ready to run back and give Jake the good news. Bella decides to skip scolding him for slamming the door because she is about to ruin his fun, since no-way, no-how is Jake sleeping over at Charlie's. There's simply no where to put him and beyond that, overnight and into tomorrow's breakfast is an impossibly long time to avoid all eye contact and conversation.

"I'm sorry JJ, but Jacob and Billy need to go back to their own house to sleep." She uses her Understanding Mom tone first, testing his mood. He's likely cranky from the long day he's had so she's going easy on him, trying to avoid a toddler meltdown.

"But why, mom? I want him to! Please?" His youthful soprano now dips into obstinance. The happy bouncing in his velcro sneakers stops at once. He's crestfallen; he just made a new best friend and now his mom is being so mean and unfair. He only asked because he's supposed to and got in lots of trouble the last time he didn't. It just never occurred to him that she might actually say _no_ this time. Mom is generally very good about saying _yes._

"I told you already, honey. They need to go back to their own house and sleep in their own beds tonight," Firm Answer Mom repeats herself.

"_But I_ _want him tooooooo,"_ he whines, exhaustion lacing tightly through every word. As a show of his displeasure he bends in half at the waist, swinging his arms dramatically as he cries, as if to demonstrate that he's so stricken he no longer possesses the energy to hold himself upright. Bella sighs and prepares for the inevitable. He's tired and though he slept for a while earlier, his normal schedule went by the wayside today for the most part. With a warm relaxing bath after dinner and a good night's sleep, she knows he'll be back to himself tomorrow.

Jake would have heard every one of JJ's pleas even without the supernatural hearing, and is feeling unexpectedly content that JJ likes him enough already to not want him to leave. He hasn't spent much time with kids but JJ seems to be more fun than most. He laughs a lot, has unending energy, and likes to tackle Jake with a good running start (JJ is pretty impressed with himself being able to knock Jake down and heavily credits the milk his mom gives him with dinner, and he's made a note to ask for an extra big glass tonight just in case).

The game of catch is obviously over so Jake stretches his limbs, stifles a yawn, and heads back inside. He wonders how Bella was able to raise JJ all on her own these past few years. Having a kid requires a great deal more energy than he realized and it astounds him that his parents managed to have three. He considers thanking his dad on the ride home for putting up with him.

It's awkward in the house for a moment; just Jake and Bella are in the kitchen and she's still refusing to look his way. JJ's watching TV perched on Charlie's knee, making sure to keep the frown on his face so his mom remembers just how mad he is at her right now. He contemplates sticking out a tongue in her direction but when he catches her turning to face him he opts to keep with the overt grouchiness instead. Plus last time he was caught sticking out his tongue Bella put a few drops of lemon juice in his mouth and that is not something he wants to repeat.

Jake hesitates with his hand still on the doorknob and he decides the only way to end the tension with Bella is to address the issues with her so that they're out in the open and done. He clears his throat and offers her some help with preparing dinner. She's most at ease when she cooks so he's hoping this will break the ice a little. She directs him to the vegetable drawer to collect the makings of a salad.

"Salad? Gross," he teases.

"Oh hush," she scolds, "And you better not let JJ hear you saying that either. He refuses to eat it because he says he doesn't want to eat leaves. Serves me right for calling them 'leafy greens' before he understood what that meant. Doesn't stop me from trying, though."

"I bet I can get him to eat it," Jake wagers with a smirk.

"You're on. But he has to actually eat it. If he takes a bite and spits it out it doesn't count," she warns as she discusses the terms of their bet. She's not sure which way this will go. On the one hand she knows her son very well but on the other, she didn't expect JJ to be so eager to spend time with Jake so she thinks that Jake's got a pretty good shot.

"What do I get if I win then?" Jake asks, trying to keep the conversation light and playful but the husky quality to his voice has done anything but. He sees Bella blush slightly before she turns her back on him, pretending to look for something in the cabinet.

"What do you want?" Her voice is shaky and she closes her eyes as she tries to calm her nerves.

He thinks before he answers. _Love me. Don't leave me. _"How about you'll owe me one? Good for one time, whenever I want in the future and you have to do whatever it is, no questions asked."

She agrees even though she hates open-ended debts like this; they always make her feel like she's vulnerable to be taken advantage of in some way. She figures _it's only Jake, and besides he doesn't think of us like that anymore_, but the dreamy, wistful expression on her face and the soft _thump-thump_ as her heart speeds up belies her casual outward appearance. She's trying to maintain neutrality, but he can still read her like a book. Having super-senses doesn't hurt either, only amplifying the pace of her heartbeat and nervous half-breaths for his sensitive ears.

"What about you, if you win?"

She decides that keeping this simple is easiest. There's no sense in being coy with him and making more of a fool of herself than she already has. She shrugs, "You clean up after dinner." She knows she can't ask for what she really wants. _Forgive me. Love me again._

She still hasn't looked at him once, making sure to be busy in another corner of the room anytime he steps too close. This house, this kitchen, holds too many painful memories of what she left behind. Their first kiss happened over there by the phone. The first time she said I love you to him out loud was at this table while leaning over their homework together (she'd been helping him with Biology as he tutored her in Calc). Every night he had come to her house for dinner it was always, always followed up with "you wash, I'll dry." If he says it tonight she might just break in half.

Jake watches Bella flit aimlessly around the kitchen, appearing preoccupied but getting nothing done. He knows she's having an internal struggle of some sort and that it certainly pertains to him, which is why she's trying to keep her hands busy so her mind won't be free to wander idly, overanalyzing and obsessing. Rather than allow her to avoid _this_, avoid the many conversations that need to take place, he barges into her thoughts, evaporating the memories that are playing like fuzzy holograms as they surround her.

"Bells, can we just talk about this? You know I heard what you said," he speaks softly, and the tenderness is almost unbearable knowing that he uses that same voice with his imprint, _his imprint_, only with _her_ it's coupled with a loving caress and everything else Bella walked away from. She fights the urge to retch.

"We don't need to do this, Jake." The last thing she wants to discuss is how after committing her sins of lying and leaving, he's found happiness in the arms of another woman. She doesn't want to hear how even though she still loves him, it doesn't amount to much in the scheme of life because he's moved on. She doesn't want to drag Sam into her mess, she doesn't want Jake's relationship with his friend to suffer because of decisions she made years ago. It was just free advice, and apparently worthy of the price she paid.

"Yes, we do. You won't even look me in the eye; don't think I haven't noticed."

She sighs heavily, feeling a weight begin to press on her chest. He's not going to let her out of this, is he? She uses what little energy she can muster for this kind of talk and all but drags herself to the dinner table to take a seat. She holds her hands primly in her lap and picks at her unkempt cuticles as she waits for him to begin talking.

"So was it Sam's idea for you to leave, or did you just want someone to tell you that what you were planning to do was right?" He gets right to the point, before adding, "And you talked to them before you talked to me? He knew before I did?"

She's thankful that at least he hasn't started off talking about the imprint stuff. She's not quite ready with her game face and doesn't think she'll be able to successfully play the congratulatory platonic friend.

"Like I said, I was over talking to Emily, and she told me to talk to you and that you'd be the decent guy you are and stick around for us. I didn't want that, for you to give up your dreams. You were so excited about school and everything, Jake, I couldn't take that from you. And Sam basically agreed that it wasn't best for you and the tribe if I stayed. So I came up with that whole plan to just convince you I wasn't good for you, and I left."

"He said it would be better for me without you around?" Jake is trying to keep his temper under control because if he shows his anger in his questions he knows Bella will simply shut down and the conversation will be over. There's so much he wants to ask her but with her it has to be done by degrees.

"More or less, I guess. It was more about it being easier for you to do things down the line, like finish school, come back to be chief and alpha, be with your…" she stops, unable to say the word. Her mouth snaps shut and she blinks furiously several times; maybe if she blinks enough this won't be real. Maybe her tears will stop themselves this time and she can pretend he's still _her_ Jacob.

He nods, understanding her intent. He wishes he could just say the words and tell her that it's her, it's always been her. He isn't ready to open up to her, make himself vulnerable in that way. She knows what imprinting implies, unconditional love and devotion. He isn't ready, not yet.

"So he was concerned that I'd imprint and leave you and the baby?"

"More like he was concerned that you _wouldn't_ leave us. He said I wasn't the rightful alpha's mate or something to that effect, and that since you hadn't imprinted on me we weren't meant to be together. He was just trying to look out for your best interests, he didn't want you to have to feel guilty and hate yourself for leaving us when it finally happened. But Jake, you can't blame _him_ for what _I_ chose to do."

"Did he ever try to call you or talk to you after you left?" Jake is trying to give his friend some credit since no one knew about the imprint until she had already gone. Maybe he could forgive Sam if he had tried to right his wrongs. If he tried to undo what he told Bella, then maybe… maybe. But the more Jake hears the more betrayed he feels by people he's known forever. He wonders what else people have been hiding from him, if he has a secret brother out there or if his parents aren't really his parents. This type of conspiracy to keep a secret is stuff from movies, not real life. But so are werewolves and vampires.

"I spoke to Emily a few times. She always asked me to come back but I couldn't. She knew I couldn't, and I think she might have even started to understand why but then one day she called me crying, practically begging me to move back. She told me that Sam had just been stupid by telling me everything he did and he was wrong. I felt myself starting to give in because I just missed you so much but then I changed my number and stopped talking to anyone but Charlie. I couldn't take it anymore; I had moved across the country to make your life easier and there I was ready to say to hell with it and move back."

"But you didn't." Jake says it as a statement, not a question. He knows the answer because obviously she hadn't come back. She was so close to doing so but she slipped right through his fingers yet again. But she said she'd missed him hadn't she? He knows she did, because his heart clenched as she said it.

"No."

"Why did you?" he asks innocently. Jake isn't stupid enough to believe that it's all for him but he's got to know. The way her body betrays her in ways that only he can pick up on, it's given him hope beyond all reason.

"Our son needs his father," she answers simply. It is the truth. JJ _does_ need his father. Whatever hell Bella has to live through for JJ to gain Jake in his life, whether it be seeing Jake's imprint in the flesh or realizing that this sleepy town has moved on without her or having everyone from her past hate her, she will live it with a smile on her face. _JJ_, she thinks, finally forcing herself to connect eyes with Jake, _he is worth it._

**A/N: So? Thoughts? Please review, it makes me so happy when you do!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this took so long, guys! I hope it's worth the wait. As always, please review, reviews are the light of my life!  
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>After dinner has been cleared and cleaned, Bella and Jake took JJ up for his bath and to tuck him into bed. As it turns out Jake won their friendly bet and now she owes him one, much to Bella's dismay. When JJ swallowed down bite after bite of salad she was shocked, while Jake wore his typical "I told you so" smug grin.<p>

When Jake agreed to stay through bedtime JJ was elated. He chattered and sang through bath time, swishing his toys around in the soapy water, laughing at his own silliness. They got JJ dressed in his pajamas and Jake carried him into bed Superman style, JJ's arms and legs extended out, stiff as a board and a giant smile across his face. Jake swooped him high and low before finally tossing him softly onto the mattress. Bella watched from the door as Jake tucked in JJ, as if he'd been there every night before. She never had any doubts that he'd be a good father; he was always willing to give of himself so easily, and he was patient and kind.

She lets the warmth of the scene before her seep into her bones and ease the awkwardness she felt at being around Jake. She let herself imagine that this was _their_ house, Jake was her husband and she his wife; she allowed her mind to believe they were a family together. Truthfully it didn't take much on her part for her imagination to conjure up further images: more children, playing on the beach, pancakes on Saturdays together. It was almost surprising how much she still loved Jake; she thought after all these years she'd be able to look objectively at the situation and not hope for anything more than for him to be in JJ's life. She's finding it increasingly difficult, the more interaction he has with JJ, to maintain her detached stance. His easy nurturing abilities and just the way he's so naturally wonderful, are pulling at her heartstrings (as if she weren't attached enough as it is),and it's making her fall deeper and deeper against her will.

"Good night, Mommy!" JJ calls from the bed, his arms outstretched seeking hugs and kisses.

Bella pulls herself from her reverie and plasters a wide smile on her face, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She is sad for herself that Jake can never be hers, and sad for JJ that this family she imagines will never be possible.

"Good night, my little monster," she says with a smile, and bends down to engulf JJ in a tight hug. "I love you, sweetheart. Sweet dreams," she croons, as she and Jake exit the room and turn out the light.

Jake and Bella descend the stairs in silence, each lost in their own thoughts about how being in proximity makes them feel. Jake was imagining the same thing upstairs, that JJ and Bella were in his house, putting their son to bed together before retreating to their own bedroom for the night. He imagines a house filled with love and laughter and it's painful already knowing that he has to leave soon, that this dream isn't real.

Billy and Charlie are still finishing off their beers and watching TV so Jake steps out to the porch, holding the door for Bella as she follows him wordlessly.

They sit and observe the stars in the sky for a moment, neither knowing what to say; they both have so much they _want_ to say but their respective fears overcome the compulsion for communication. Both of them are afraid that once they start talking at all, everything will come tumbling out, all the unspoken words of love and devotion, begging and pleading for second chances.

"You're really good with him, Bells," Jake offers, and hopes his voice did not betray the adoration that remains, that will always remain, for her.

"So are you," she says, her voice cracking just barely, but enough for Jake to notice. She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and continues, "I've never seen him click with anyone else as quickly as you did. Thank you, for wanting to be part of his life."

"How could I not? You know me, Bella. I haven't changed. I don't need much in terms of material things, but a family is all I ever wanted. I want to be around him as much as I can," he swallows before allowing the words to pass through his lips, "and you too."

The words startle her, and her gaze jumps to his face. Isn't he supposed to be completely devoted to his imprint? But as she stares back into his black eyes, she sees the same old softness she used to see and for a moment her eyes flick to his mouth and back. Unconsciously she licks her lips, imagining the warm pressure of his against hers. He can still read her like a book, and despite himself he's wanted to kiss her all day.

"I really missed you, Jake," she admits with a shy smile.

He reaches over and cups her cheek in his large hand. She leans into it, closing her eyes; for a few passing seconds she relives every time he's ever done this very thing.

"I missed you too, Bells." He inches closer, making every attempt to talk himself out of doing what he is about to do. What the hell did he set up rules for if he's intent on breaking them? But his body is moving of its own volition, and he neither wants nor is able to stop it. Her eyes, her fragrant scent, everything about her, it all draws him in and he's powerless against it.

Bella holds her breath as her body thrills at the prospect of what is about to happen. Finally, she closes her eyes and meets Jake's lips with hers. Instantly, it's electric; every cell in her body is pulsing and alive. Jake is gentle and hesitant at first, their lips softly brushing together as his hand moves to the nape of her neck, holding her close. The wolf in Jake urges him on, demanding more. In a perfect synchrony their tongues meet and Bella softly moans at the contact; the intensity grows and battles the guilt warning her to stop. Jake is not hers, after all, and this should feel all sorts of wrong but right now it doesn't. After four years of virtual abstinence and passionate dreams about Jake this is all she can ask for. She is surprised about her indifference for currently being the _other woman_ but even that merely gives her slight pause, not nearly enough to pull back and end this kiss.

Jake can tell how badly she wants this, he can smell her desire and hears her heart pounding in his ears. The wolf's anxiety is bubbling up in his veins, he can feel the restless pacing and a chant begins circling his brain. _Bella. Bella. Bella. Mine. Mine. Mine._ For a brief moment he considers leaning her back on the porch and taking what the wolf wants; in that same second he realizes he needs to rein in his self-control and with a final lingering kiss to her lips, he leans his forehead against hers, reaches his other hand to the small of her back and pulls her as close to him as he can. Her hands snake their way around his waist and she makes feeble attempts to catch her breath.

"You're really here," he breathes, his thumb caressing the skin below her ear.

She nods, leaning back to look in his eyes. "Jake, I want you to know, I'm not going to leave again. I'm back for good, this is my home. And... I've made mistakes, heaven knows… but I'm not the same stupid girl I was. I won't run off again. I won't do it to JJ and I won't do it to you."

"Good, don't." He gives her neck a light squeeze to punctuate his point. He watches her face for a second; she means what she says and it shows, much to his relief.

"So, listen… I think we should talk about JJ. Can you come by tomorrow? I want to tell him about you as soon as we can. He's missed you for too long as it is," she says with regret, and her eyes fall to her lap.

"I have a better idea. It's supposed to be warm tomorrow, how about we all go to the beach instead? We can show him the tide pools," he suggests, his eyes lit up with excitement. He remembers as a kid when his mom and dad took him down there, how in awe he was of all the creatures in the shallow water.

"I don't know…" Bella hesitates; she doesn't want to bump into anyone else that she hasn't seen in years. _Less pressure,_ she thinks.

"Don't say no, it'll be fun. C'mon, Bells." The puppy dog eyes are in full effect and Bella feels compelled to agree.

"Alright," she sighs. Jake flashes her a victory smile as the front door opens behind them.

"Time to take your drunk old man home, son," Billy jokes, rolling further out onto the porch.

"Sure, sure," Jake answers. Jake stands and pulls Bella to her feet beside him. He places his hand on her arm and confirms their plans, "We'll say 8ish? You'll be up by then right?"

"Yeah, JJ's up and about by 7, we can definitely meet you at the beach at 8," she says, her anxiety melting away. It'll be just another day with her, JJ, and Jake, and she can fall back into her family fantasy.

"Great. G'night Charlie, g'night Bells. See you tomorrow," he calls over his shoulder as he wheels Billy to the car.

Charlie and Bella stand on the porch and wave goodbye, and watch as the car disappears down the street. Charlie clears his throat and puts a reassuring hand on Bella's shoulder before he turns to head back inside.

"It's been a tough day, kiddo, why don't you get some sleep," he suggests, with a voice that indicates his need for rest as well.

"Yeah, ok Dad. I'll be inside in a few," she answers, sitting back down on the step to think. She hears his response and his shuffling into the house. When the door clicks closed she puts her head in her hands and thinks, _What the hell am I doing?_

-oOo-

From her makeshift bed on the couch, Bella awakens to the sound of little feet descending the stairs.

"Moooooommy," JJ calls softly. She knows this game; he's testing her to see if she's awake. She plays along and pretends to still be asleep. He calls her again, stepping closer, and she feels a little finger poke her in the side. She remains still, and tries to keep from laughing. "Tiiiiiime to wake uuuuup, Mommy," he tries again, and this time he pokes her in the nose.

She waits a moment and then suddenly grabs him from where he stands and pulls her onto the couch with her.

"It's time to wake up, huh?" She taunts, and tickles his tummy, eliciting shrieks of delight from him.

"Yes, Mommy, wake up and make breakfast!" He giggles and tries to catch his breath, pulling himself to a sitting position on her legs.

"OK but we have to be quiet since Grandpa Charlie is still sleeping. He's not used to being up so early with you. So, how about I make you some pancakes and you come into the kitchen and keep me company?"

He nods vigorously, jumping off the couch and hops his way into the kitchen chanting, "Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!"

She follows him, wiping the sleep from her eyes, grumbling, "Coffee, coffee, coffee."

Minutes later the coffee pot is brewing and the pancakes are cooking in the pan. Bella seats JJ at the kitchen table with a plate, a napkin and a fork in front of him, a glass of orange juice in his hand, and a juice mustache on his upper lip.

"Guess where we're going today," Bella says, as she flips a pancake.

"To…. the moon?" JJ laughs at his own joke.

"No, silly, not to the moon." Flip. "You and I are going to go to the beach, and we are going to meet your new friend Jacob there." Flip.

JJ's face brightens with excitement. "Can we go now?" He bounces in his seat, much the same way he bounced on the balls of his feet yesterday. It makes Bella smile that he likes Jake so much already.

"We're going to leave right after breakfast, but only if you eat all your pancakes and promise to be a very good boy today," she warns, and knows it's mostly unnecessary. JJ's inherited his father's appetite and is even tempered most days anyway.

"I promise!"

She ruffles his hair and flips the pancakes onto their plates. She puts some on a spare plate and places it in the microwave for Charlie when he wakes up, leaving a note on the counter to let him know they're there. By the time she is sitting at the table with JJ he's already half done with his first pancake, his fork poised to go back for more.

They eat their breakfast in relative silence, while Bella ticks off the items on her list that she'll need for her beach bag. Toys, sunscreen, towels, change of clothes, snacks… She mentally packs them all and tries to remember where her bathing suit is in her luggage.

JJ's tugging at her arm, insisting they get moving. He is anxious to get to the beach and back to his friend; they had so much fun yesterday that he wants to see him every day if his mom will let him. She glances at the clock and sees that it's already half past seven, so there's no way they'll make it in time to meet Jake by eight. She sends JJ off to pick some toys to bring to the beach and picks up the phone to dial Jake.

"Hello?" He answers on the second ring.

"Jake, hey, we're running a little late this morning. Just wanted to let you know to expect us closer to 8:15 or 8:30, if that's okay?"

"Oh," he says, sounding disappointed. He's been up for a couple of hours already and has been pacing the living room just waiting for time to pass. That extra fifteen minutes is going to feel like a lifetime judging how the past few hours have felt. "Yeah, that's fine, I'll be up there with Lola, so I'll just wait for you to get there."

"Okay, see you soon then," Bella chokes. _Lola, his imprint's name is Lola. _She conjures up an image of someone beautiful and exotic, and hangs up without waiting for Jake's response. It's too late to pretend to be sick so she trudges up the stairs and packs her list of things, slathers JJ with sunscreen, not that he needs it, and gets dressed.

They park at First Beach and Bella grabs their bag from the car. It's big and packed full, the kind of bag that could double as an overnight bag. She hefts it onto her shoulder and takes JJ's hand, leading him down to where Jake will be. _With Lola_, she gulps. She doesn't want to admit to herself that she's put in a little extra effort into her appearance this morning on account of Lola. She just knows that Jake's imprint would have to be someone striking and beautiful, and even as plain as Bella feels most days she knew it would be worse if she rolled out of bed and left the house. So to that end, her hair is down in loose waves, she put on a bit of mascara and gloss, and she wore the most flattering bathing suit she brought back with her to Washington. Since being in Florida, she's grown to love sundresses so she took a few extra minutes and ironed out her favorite, a white strapless eyelet that skims just above her knees. She always gets compliments when she wears it, the contrast of her skin against the fabric even allows her to appreciate her alabaster complexion. She might even say she felt confident under any other circumstances; today she's shaking in her sandals.

She walks down the beach with JJ and gets a glimpse of Jake standing by the water with his back to them. They're too far for him to hear her yell so she keeps walking, the wind whipping her hair around her shoulders. Jake inhales and catches a brief scent of strawberries, and instinctively he knows Bella and JJ are here. Turning, he smiles, and JJ takes off in Jake's direction. He runs clear across the beach without losing his footing once, a definite opposition to his mother. Jake goes down dramatically when JJ tackles him, and they're still chuckling when Bella reaches them.

"Having fun, kids?" she teases.

"Yes, thank you very much," Jake laughs. He stands and kisses Bella on the cheek. Taking Bella's hand in his, still holding onto JJ's, he says, "Come on, I set up a blanket for us by our tree."

Bella looks down at their joined hands in surprise. _He's holding my hand, and he said OUR tree._ She feels like she's 18 again, with the butterflies dancing in her stomach and her heart skipping beats. She wills herself to relax, but it's impossible. She knows this growing attachment to Jake will only be her downfall, _but what a downfall it'll be,_ she thinks, and feels her heart lurch again.

Jake leads them over to the driftwood and gets them settled before taking a seat at the corner next to Bella. He didn't even realize he did it but he put his hand on her thigh, his thumb caressing the skin at her knee just below the hem of her sundress. The wolf needed to be in some kind of physical contact with her after spending the night apart. Bella's breath stopped when she felt the heat of his hand on her, but she said nothing, easily slipping back into family fantasy mode. She watches contentedly as JJ pulls out a pail from the bag and starts playing in the sand.

"Oh, hey, let me introduce you to Lola. Now don't be scared, she's a little intimidating," Jake jokes with a smile. Bella is unnerved how he could be so informal about introducing his imprint to them, especially knowing how Bella feels about him. She pulls her leg away; family fantasy is over.

Jake cups his hands around his mouth to yell, "Lola! Lola, come here!" He watches the beach, waiting, and leans over to Bella, "You're gonna love her, she's very sweet. I was just kidding about being scared of her."

Struck dumb, all Bella can do is nod, her stomach turning to knots. Finally she sees a brown and white dog running up the beach toward them. Her mouth gapes open when the fluffy Husky stops at Jake, wagging her tail excitedly. _Oh, you've got to be kidding me._

"Lola's a… a dog?" Bella croaks, feeling more stupid than she ever has in her life, and that's saying something.

"Huh? Yeah, why? What did you think she was?" Jake's obviously confused and has no idea that he's caused Bella's blood to run cold from anxiety.

When she can finally speak she admits, "I thought you were introducing your imprint, Jake. Your dad _may_ have implied that you've imprinted and… and that's who I thought… _Lola_… was."

"What? No, obviously Lola is a dog, Bells," he gestures to Lola, who is chewing happily on a piece of driftwood. A smirk sits on his lips.

"Thank you, I can see that _now_."

"Is that why you look so beautiful today? All dressed up for Lola? You hear that, Lola, Bella wants to impress you," he scratches behind Lola's ears, as Bella lands a punch to his arm.

"I'm glad you think this is funny," she blushes, and reaches into her bag to grab a towel, draping it in front of her face.

"Don't," he soothes, pulling the towel down to look into her eyes. "I'm sorry for making you feel bad but it _is_ a little funny, Bells. And besides, you already know her, my imprint, so no need for introductions." He says it slowly, watching her carefully. His heart is pounding in his chest.

This is the moment she's been dreading but there's no avoiding it now. After her embarrassment about Lola she might as well get it all over with and then she can get back to pretending life is perfect.

"Okay, so tell me who she is. Just please don't tell me it's Leah." She couldn't imagine Jake with Leah, of all people. So rough and irritable all the time. He hesitated in answering, his nerves getting the better of him. Did he really want to do this, commit himself to her? Would she leave him again? _No, she said she wouldn't. She said_ – his thoughts were cut off by Bella's horrified yell.

"Oh, God! It's Leah!" He took too long to answer after her comment. She hopes she didn't offend him. "I'm sorry, I had no idea, I didn't mean to – "

"No, relax. I just wasn't ready to say it out loud yet. No it's not Leah, I just needed to psych myself up to saying the words." He wipes the sweat from his brow and takes a deep breath. Needing the physical contact back he twines her fingers with his.

"Bells, it's you."

"What? That's impossible, you would have known before I left. Sam said I wasn't, why are you saying that I am?" She's overwhelmed and confused and happier than she's been in a long time. Her hope is getting the better of her. _They could have a family. This could really happen._

"No one knew, not until you left. I've had these horrible pains, an ache in my chest, since you've been gone. Now that you're back it's like I can breathe again." He's got both her hands in his now, pleading for her to understand. Maybe he said too much and she's going to be scared but damn it all, she's right here and she's not going anywhere. They were made for each other and they might as well start living like it, like they used to be.

"An ache… in your chest…" Realization dawns on her. "It's sort of like a weight, right over your heart?"

"Yeah, how did you…?"

"I felt it too," she admits, tears coming to her eyes. _This is real._ "It went away when you came to the house yesterday and I thought all this time it was just guilt over leaving but it was… it was the imprint?"

He nods at her, squeezing her hands in his reassuringly.

"Jake, it's really me?"

"It's always been you, Bells. Always," he leans forward and places a tender kiss on her lips. Nothing has ever felt more right than being with her, same as it always has. "I love you, Bells," he whispers against her lips.

"I love you too, Jake, so much. I'm so sorry for everything," she says as the tears fall quickly down her face. "I'll never leave you again."


End file.
